It's been a while.

Even if no one ever reads this, I still feel like I need to get it out. I feel like I'm at a point in my life where I can better myself, but I'm so battered by my life lately that I don't know if I can apply anymore effort into anything without a direct positive result. I want to lose this weight, I want to ace this course, I want to be better, I want to feel like I will reach my potential. I want it, I need it, yet I don't care... I Want it, but I don't care, i don't get it.I need something to focus, I don't have focus, sometimes it feels like i'm on autopilot in all my endeavors. It's a tough road, and  I need to make it, but I don't know if i'll let myself.